do you have a uterus?...

uterus n. An organ in female mammals for containing and usually for nourishing the young during development previous to birth that consists of a greatly modified and enlarged section of an oviduct or of the two oviducts united, that has thick walls consisting of an external serous coat, a very thick muscular coat of smooth muscle, and a mucous coat containing numerous glands, and that during pregnancy undergoes great increase in size and change in the condition of its walls called also womb (hmmm was that a bit much??)

obsequious adj. Full of or exhibiting servile compliance; fawning.

..."do you have a uterus?" was the 2nd question asked by my new personal trainer – sandwiched somewhere in between “Do you have a few minutes to chat?” and “Did you eat before you came here?”

For those that know me – I think we can agree that I’m generally a confident/strong individual…but “do you have a uterus?” had a strange effect in me…I had to think…do I in fact have a uterus? and more importantly is answering “yes” the right answer.

The problem (other then the question itself) was that I had no time to think…she just kept on firing questions…

- do you have implants
- have you had children
- are you on birth control
- do you have “gas” problems (???)

I was unable to make eye contact and had a thousand thoughts going through my head as I tried to figure out in the .05 seconds between questions what exactly I was doing here and why all of the sudden I felt like I was 12 years old doing this repetitive head nodding/motion/twitch “thing” every time she said something. I found myself astonishingly obsequious to this former professional wrestler with 15 years experience named Dixie Bell.

Don’t you just love it – Dixie Bell. Say it with me “Dixie Bell” - “Dixie Bell” - “Dixie Bell”

Let’s be honest - half the reason I chose her was because of her name. And she is fabulous. In 65 minutes…I found my gym soul mate…and let me tell you that is not an easy thing to do…as a side note – the last trainer I had was about 4 years ago – and he was more interested in the booty’s available at the gym as opposed to making mine à la J. Lo.

So I guess the moral of this story is:

a) do not judge a person by their name (this is to all you Dixie Bell’s, Chastity’s, Charity’s and Englebert Humperdink’s out there)

and

b) you really should know if you have a uterus or not…

ode to the runners...

Marathon n. any long and arduous undertaking; a footrace of 26 miles 385 yards; a battle in 490 BC in which the Athenians and their allies defeated the Persians

Half-marathon – the thing that marathoners call a jog

Conviction n: an unshakable belief in something without need for proof or evidence

“Most people, maybe 80 percent of people, aren’t physically designed to undertake such a task (marathon). It’s more than (just) 26 miles of repeated stress, which is brutal."

http://www.bu.edu/phpbin/news-cms/news/?dept=4&id=38606&template=4

..to the above statement i say "bite - me"...this is homage to ANYONE that has attempted to run a marathon and I’ll further extend it to anyone that has attempted to run half of a marathon. This is not for any walkers or for anyone that bikes, roller blades, skips or even races 10 km. You can’t give respect in the same way – I don’t care what you say.

This is for those that spent the last five months pounding the pavement in the cold winter and the so-so spring weather only to be greeted with crazy, harsh winds (who knows where the hell they came from). This is for those that had to contend with bleeding nipples or chafing in other lovely places, or had the wrong shoes, the wrong shirt or those pesky shorts that kept creeping up. Those who endured knee pains, hip pains, and any/all pains. Those who gave up smoking, gave up red meat, and gave up all that used to be fun.

This is for those that have voluntarily entered the cultdom.

Let’s face it – the majority of the population can’t get off the couch because we might miss the pivotal moment in Prison Break (clearly he and his cronies will be breaking out of prison…hence the name of the show) much less log in 35 – 100km of running/week for nothing more then personal glory.

And that’s what running is…personal – it’s euphoric…and let’s be honest…you get bragging rights.

I’ve generally been on the side of the runners (as a half marathoner) but this time I was a spectator and it was a crazy place to be and I speak for all my riff raff spectators…craning our necks, praying to all of the gods, getting nauseous as the clock ticks closer to that pivotal time and shouting in jubilation when one of our own came into sight. It was if we were running the race (clearly we’re not…it’s just a cliché...runners don’t get upset).

This is the first time that for a race of this magnitude I was a spectator and I wish I wasn’t…I wish I had had the dedication to be a part of it – b/c it is an elite crowd and damn it I want back in.

Take solace in what you done…what you’ve accomplished…and if you want to wallow in your defeat do it b/c you can…or bask in your glory…either way – we all know the truth…you'll be back for more…

now ode to my riffraff…
* Brother of Tapio (18/102) – arms raised…need we say more
* BF #2 (65/149) – hmmm results could be indicative of overexcitement re: what I promised next year…Teen where’s my $100…
* Roxybaker (29/90)– don’t shed another tear – it’ll happen and besides you can run w/ the boys baby…that’s something on its own...
* Eduardo (23/53) – the consummate gentleman...outwardly smiling without a hair out of place...inwardly…does anyone know??
* BF #1 (56/111)– better then sex eh? Let’s go another round…
* Neil – (149/288) - 17 minutes baby...
* Dave – (188/288) – back on the plan? 21.1…30…42.2...
* LAD – (389/463) - you did it on your own…have faith.

open letter #2…

Cruel adj: lacking or showing kindness or compassion or mercy

Unfathomable adj. Difficult or impossible to understand

Sincere adj. Not feigned or affected

...yet another letter sent
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May 16, 2006

XXXX XXXXX
Public Works & Government Services Canada
Superannuation, Pension Transition and Client Services Sector
Shediac, NB

RE: Death Benefit Claim Form
Pension Number XXXXXX

XXXX XXXXX,

I received the required death benefit claim form, along with your personalized letter.

I would like say that it was very nice of you to have taken the time to personalize your cover letter, but my father died in 1985 and your sympathies however sincere are a bit late. In addition he never worked for the government or received any pension from the Superannuation Department.

What would have been appreciated in this difficult period was if you had taken the time to verify the gender of the deceased. I assume in this case your condolences are meant for the death of my mother who was employed by the government for 35+ years.

While I understand that personally knowing my mother by anything other then her 6 digit ID number would be beyond reason - I have to believe that the gender of a former employee would be information on file.

I find it unfathomable that a simple piece of information, such as gender can be misrepresentation in a letter as devastating as this. This not only trivializes the death of a loved one but also gravely upsets those that have been left behind.

What I would like to suggest for the future is that if you do not have the time to research the details for a particular case, then either do not offer your condolences or leave it generic.

Should you have any questions or require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me at the address listed below.

Given that this is the second such letter I have had to write - I would rather that you/your office not respond to this letter by indicating that due to the high volume of claims that you/your office handle it was an oversight.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
XXXXX (Miss.)

cc. MGR

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...is this really happening?

follow up to open letter...

too much to ask for….

Customer Service…the provision of labour and other resources, for the purpose of increasing the value that buyers receive from their purchases and from the processes leading up to the purchase..

I am exasperated.
I am indignant.
I am incensed.
I am just irritated.

Why is it that 7 out of 10 times – the only way I receive good customer service is if I complain?

I work in a service industry and have spent the last 6 years servicing others – so yes I do know what good customer service is and I know what level of service that I deserve.

It really is such a simple concept – but all too often it is not achieved.

Has the norm become that we should just NOT expect good customer service? If I am buying a service - I want some value created for me – not only in the product/service that I am purchasing but in the customer service that I am receiving. In today’s competitive world – you can differentiate on price – but if you can differentiate on customer service – people will find value even if the price is higher.

Again, such a simple concept…so why is it that in a 24 hour period - the only way that I’ve received any service is to complain? Has the mind-set changed from increasing value to simply providing no value? Is it good enough in today’s marketplace just to come into work?

If I go into a store I expect a pleasant person standing there saying hello and looking like this job is the best damn job that she/he has ever had with a smile on their face. You have a choice and you’ve chosen to do this job – you’ve been hired to do this job - so just do it. Provide service…provide value…sell me.

Why is it that the best service I have received in the last 2 weeks is from Zellars and Direct Protect? (if anyone is looking to change their auto/home insurance…let me know I’ll give you the name/number of a fabulous service oriented person – I found a savings of $525 with Direct Protect).

Somewhere along the way, ½ the people have forgotten what service means and subsequently how to provide it and the other ½ have forgotten that service should be fundamental in any business.

But who wants to complain to get better service? The amount of time wasted on complaining just may not be worth it. But how will it get better if we don’t complain? Or am I just wasting my time?

I’m sure people will say that I'm blowing things out of proportion and that I just want to bitch and complain but watch out…because I will complain….I will push for a higher level service.

I’m not asking for anything that I don’t deserve.
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For those that care to read…here’s my recount of a 24-hour period and my service experience – or lack there of.

May 1, 2006
Laser Hair Removal Clinic
…a girl just wants to know if the clinic does Microdermabrasion. Clearly I should have known better but I took a chance and thought why not ask because I’m in the area and you just never know. So in I went - only to be greeted by a very unpleasant & rude woman who didn’t once stop what she was doing to even make eye contact with me during the following conversation:

Me: hi, do you have a service list?
Unpleasant rude woman: what do you want? (in a monotone & uninterested voice as only an unpleasant & rude person can do so well)
Me: I want to know if you do micodermabrasion?
Unpleasant rude woman: no (without looking up and mumbling under her breath)
Me: thanks very much for your help – you’ve been most helpful (in my most sarcastic voice possible, which I have succeeded in perfecting)

This woman is the first person that people see. She is the one who can sell you a service or in my case turn you away – yet she clearly had no concept of what customer service was…is there any good explanation for this kind of wretched front desk help?

May 1, 2006
Pita Pit
A young woman is working the counter and states “mumblecanmumbleimumblehelpmumbleyou?”

Need I say more? What is wrong with our youth – do you know how to have a conversation? Do you know how to make eye contact? Do you know how to articulate a simple thought? Do you know how to service? How to extend some notion of respect?

She has chosen to work at the Pita Pit – again by choice….but she is too busy sucking face with her boyfriend who she has sneaked in behind the counter…oh wait he works there (I think)…I mean he is cooking the chicken (although I don’t suppose that means he’s actually an employee, maybe the girl is too tired from sucking face so he had to flip the chicken) …and damn it I want a bag for my take-out pita….service baby service…

May 1, 2006
Hudson Group – hotel booking company for the upcoming ING Ottawa Marathon Weekend

I initially booked a hotel in Ottawa with the Hudson Group (HG) back in January for a suite at the Cartier. At that time, the rep told me that she would email me the hotel room confirmation. I emailed her over and over again in January/February asking her for the email confirmation – to which she kept replying its coming.

Finally on February 8, 2006 she replied stating that I had no room because she had “miscalculated the number of rooms”?????? Isn’t her sole job to book rooms? I asked her when exactly did she miscalculate – could it be that she miscalculated every time she told me that my email confirmation was en route? She didn’t even have the courtesy to apologize.

At that point I forwarded her the emails she had sent to me indicating that the “email confirmation” was on its way (for the now miscalculated rooms). Perhaps it was when she saw that I had this in writing that she thought maybe she had “miscalculated” with her initial “I don’t care attitude” and offered an apology and was ever so helpful in finding alternative arrangements.

Email from the rep at the HG re: alternative arrangements
“There are Superior bedroom available at the Cartier Place. This is a rate of $104.00 per night and you can have either 2 double beds or a queen bed with a pull out couch in the living room. This room also has kitchenette facilities.”

My email response back to her.
“the reason for a 2bdroom suite was to accommodate 5 people; clearly the superior room will not do that. If I were to book the superior room, I would need two and this would mean an additional $192 + taxes. Will I receive 2 superior rooms for the price of the 2bdrm suite?”

Email from the rep at the HG (which I might add was quite clever)
“The Minto Suite is a very nice hotel and they have a 2 bedroom superior available @ $215.00 per night. The suite has two bedroom and two bathrooms and full kitchens.”

So I suppose the rep miscalculated again that when I said $192 was too much money, I would somehow be willing to pay $215??

Final email from rep at HG:
“So when I get a room for the Cartier open I will defiantly let you know.”

Fast forward to May 2, 2006 – I email the rep at the HG to see if a room has come available…to which a different rep responds back stating no, nor should I expect one since they are pretty full.

My email response back to her.
“Thanks for the quick reply - that's unfortunate since I had received an email from XXXX indicating that she would be sending me a confirmation because we had the suite at the Cartier only to be told later that I didn't and then I was told that it was possible that I could get a room closer to race date.

To be honest, this has not been a good experience with the Hudson Group. Once I confirm a few with the Elgin I will send another email canceling my room…”

Email from the new HG rep:
“Other options have opened up. Please call me to discuss.”

Are you kidding me? New options have opened up…how fascinating…how fabulous...just fabulous…

May 2, 2006
Meloche Mennox (MM)

My car insurance policy is up for renewal. So I did a little investigating and found a cheaper insurance with Direct Protect.

The following is a conversation with MM on 4/20/06:

Me: please cancel my insurance
CSR: can I ask why?
Me: I have found cheaper insurance
CSR: well let me have a look (this by the way is the second time I’ve called MM. I called them the week before to see if they could match the price quoted by Direct Protect – to which they said no)
CSR: where do you live?
Me: p-town
CSR: hmmm have you ever lived in GTA, Markham or Peel
Me: no, why?
CRS: because the territory that the quote is based on is incorrect (he then fixes the territory)
CSR: your new correct rate is $1430 (vs. $1720) based on the correct territory
ME: PARDON??

..as it turns out MM has been charging me as if lived in the GTA, Markham, or Peel territory instead of p-town...which means I’ve been paying approximately $300 more per year.

The following is a conversation with MM on 4/24/06:

Me: when did this territory mix-up happen? And has it been like this for the previous two years?
CSR: no, someone was recently updating your info and they must have changed it
Me: are you sure it wasn’t the wrong territory for the previous years?
CSR: no
CSR: actually - your new rate is $1239
Me: how?
CSR: well since you cancelled your policy, it brings you back as a “new customer” (I faxed over my cancellation request on 4/20/06, only 4 days before)
Me: so loyalty plays no role in this…a new customer gets charged $1239 but a 3 year-old customer gets charged $1400?
Me: Supervisor please.

Well when I get home from work that night…do I not find the previous policies - both with the incorrect territory on it (and yes I should have checked them…but is that really the point here?)

I then leave three messages for the Team Leader spanning form 4/24/06 to 5/2/06. On 5/2/06 – I decide I have had enough of this and call the Team Leader’s Manager and leave her a message….well guess who I got a call from that night…yep Mr. Team Leader who apparently (conveniently) never received my previous two messages (insert angelic, confused, how can this be look…think Jessica Simpson)…but what does that matter im just so darn happy someone called me from the big bad insurance company.

He asks what is the issue - let him know:
1. I want my money back b/c I was charged based on the incorrect territory as confirmed by your CSR
2. I want to know why if I decide to go back to MM that my rate becomes $1430 vs. $1239…loyalty to MM means what??

Team Leader – will get back to me by the end of the week.

May 2, 2006
Chiropractor Visit
So while I was driving to my chiropractor appointment for 7:15pm – I was brooding about the insurance company and thinking of all the ways I’m going to retaliate if they don’t get give me back my money…my blood pressure is on the rise.

I show up on time and the receptionist states: have a seat…I do…for 15 minutes…at which point my blood pressure has skyrocketed…I ask the receptionist how much longer and she says – well he’s got two patients inside so another 10 minutes. Another 10 minutes means that I will now be waiting for 25 minutes.

I tell the receptionist that I have another appointment and I can’t wait – she then asks if I will be calling back for an appointment…to which I reply “no”

So I have an all important question….why do we continue to wait hours to see MD’s? My time is just as important as their time? If you have given me an appointment then you need to see me at that time not 15 minutes later.

30 minutes late, the MD calls me himself (bonus points for this)…and states sorry etc etc…I ask him – why would I wait b/c again my time is important and this is the 3rd time this has happened. He infers he didn’t know about the other two times. He offers to give me the next appointment me for free. So only b/c I complained about this 3rd visit – am I getting a free visit…so again – I had to bring it to his attention to get some recourse. Shouldn’t MD’s know that if the person has a 7:15pm appointment and it’s now 7:30pm that they are clearly late or must I also play the role of the receptionist and bring it to his attention?

I also told him it wasn’t about the money - I will pay the money for a service that I am receiving but I want to receive that damn service when I have an appointment not 25 minutes later.

So needless to say - the last 24 hours have been grating on my nerves.

I am exasperated.