do you know your zopa?

gallivanting intr.v. To roam about in search of pleasure or amusement

ZOPA - "Zone of Possible Agreement" – this exists if there is a potential agreement that would benefit both sides more than their individual alternative options do

acrimonious adj. caustic, stinging, or bitter in nature, speech, behavior, etc

Everything can be negotiated – this was the message that was communicated at a work sponsored executive education seminar I attended last year. The seminar, presented by a Harvard Associate Professor, was titled “Win/Win Negotiation and Decision Making.”

The concept of negotiation is a simple one; however it is the execution that determines success. For example, being able to negotiate means identifying what it is you want AND what it is you are willing to settle at. That is the easy part. To negotiate successfully requires an outcome that is a win/win for both parties (your ZOPA) - otherwise all you are is a school yard bully.

Somewhere along the line, I got confused as to what I wanted. Without clearly identifying what I wanted – I could not identify my ZOPA and I let emotion get in the way. In the world of negotiations – there is little room for emotion.

Allow me to self indulge.

I have been employed for 6.5 years. Like I have said in a previous post – I am the sixth oldest employee – I have expectations for myself with this employer and hopefully they of me. But I did the unthinkable – I didn’t follow the yellow brick road to americracy. Instead I decided to take a little detour.

My detour comes in the form of a long-requested 5 month leave of absence. I have been transparent in my request – making my intentions known back in May and officially requesting the leave in August. The only reason I can offer my employer by way of an explanation – is that it has been a difficult year and I need to go on this spiritual journey for myself.

I have had my own ups and downs with this company – to the point where I came very close to the chopping block for being a difficult employee. That was 3 years ago, a lot has changed and the fact that I am still here speaks to that.

I truly believe that I have grown tremendously with this company, both personally and professionally. I feel I have learned more at this job then I probably could have elsewhere – and I continue to learn and grow. But let’s not loose site of the fact that I am still asking for a 5 month leave of absence based on a seemingly whimsical reason. I realize it is a long time but I have proven my worth. This is what I was told:

- I have been a great employer but…
- In light of the acquisition, we don’t know where we’ll be in 5 months so a leave of absence would be difficult (it would take too long to explain why I don’t believe this)
- It would look great on my resume if I stayed till at least till the end of the year because I would be involved in the important integration project – but this did not mean I would be granted a leave of absence (??)
- At this point, it would probably be best to officially terminate
- However, if I were ever interested in coming back – I would still have to go through the interview process (I mean what would that interview be like – employer: so tell me about your last employer and what you did me: uhm well you were my previous boss??)

So that surmises what 6.5 years can get you. That and a company staff meeting with no mention of my fabulous accomplishments and rest assured – they certainly were fabulous. It comes to a crushing and sudden end with an email sent to the top brass; (She)”has been an important and valuable part of our customer delivery and support since March 21, 2000.” That’s 18 words in case you were wondering – about three words per year.

Okay fine, a bit overdramatic – I will give you that. After all it is, sorry was, just a job and I am not owed anything nor should I expect anything. I just made the mistake of making it into something it wasn’t.

As for my own perceived self-worth – I can’t be that far off the mark. I will take the reaction people have shown at my departure, from chiefs to directors to everyday people like me, as a sign of my character and if needed, that can be my own vindication.

I have maintained the position that my leaving is the best answer – even though I have a difficult time understanding why a leave of absence was not granted. Although I admit that I did waver slightly when I found out that earlier this year another employee was granted a two month leave of absence. I can only hypothesize why they granted that leave and not mine – but ultimately it really does not matter. If I had used the foresight I had, and I had plenty, I would have made a better choice 7 months ago.

The bitch of it is that I even had a sign – isn’t that what we are always looking for? My sign came in the form of an email – but I chose to ignore it. The email was eloquently written like only he can write and was not meant for my eyes. The email indicated that while the current circumstances were unfortunate – the project at hand was of utmost importance, it was imperative that it be completed and it was going to be used as a measuring stick for many people including the author of the email.

Bottom line – if I was not able to handle my work while dealing with the terminally ill – then maybe someone else should be the responsible party. After all, personal circumstances have no role to play in this story. So what did I do? While on bereavement leave I chose to work. I mistakenly thought that if I didn’t do it - it would be a poor reflection on my work ethic.

Instead what I did was leave those that mattered the most to fend for themselves in a cold inhospitable hospital - left to their own frail and perilous devices while I wrote business specs, attended company meetings and wasted effort trying to care. I could have done more then just get panic attacks trying to juggle something that was not worth juggling. I should have let the plates come crashing down.

Someone once told me that my relationship with my workplace is very similar to that of an abusive relationship and perhaps on a mental level it is. How did I get to this place where I allowed my employer to have the power to influence my emotions?

If I knew 7 months ago what I know now – I would have left the company then. I would have spent those last few months with those that are no longer here not with those that were only too quick to dismiss my existence. The truth is I have no one to blame – I should known better but I made the wrong choice.

I am not prepared to make another mistake. This journey is my “once in a lifetime” moment. How many other chances will I get in my life to do something that I truly feel I need to do – that I am lucky enough to be able to do. I am not willing to give that up and it is as simple as that. I have only one option – and with that I have defined my ZOPA.

My employer refers to my journey as - gallivanting – another sign that they simply don’t care to understand me and I guess they don’t really have to. By not granting me a leave of absence - my employer has identified their ZOPA.

So what is the end result? I have the opportunity to embark on an adventure that could shape me like no job ever can. This makes the decision very easy, one that is devoid of any emotion – so two weeks ago I officially resigned.

Was this negotiation a success? Did it have a win/win outcome? I have won – that much I am certain of, however in my estimation - my company has lost out on me.

I actually started writing this about a week ago. I have gone through a lot of emotions to get to the end – definitely more then one should have of a job and I’m still working through it. It is simply time for this chapter of my life to be closed.

Don’t think that I am ending this on an acrimonious note – on the contrary, this blog is dedicated to exorcising my demons. Hindsight is 20/20 - I have absolutely no room for anger, resentment or "what if's" – it is what it is and I leave the rest to karma. Consider this a metamorphosis.