I’ve been dumped...

dump v. To get rid of; discard

ironic adj. Poignantly contrary to what was expected or intended

Not only have I been dumped but I got dumped by a voicemail. In this day and age – don’t people have a little more tact then to dump someone with whom they’ve shared intimate details with over the damn telephone? Of course the best line of the voicemail was “I want to make sure we don’t leave on bad terms.” There was no remorse, no sadness, no sound of longing for me – nothing…just flat monotone “I’ve really enjoyed your company but…”

Hmmm isn’t it funny how fast life can change? It was only a couple weeks ago – that I was telling you that I was in love and now I’ve been dumped and I find myself asking how can this be possible? Actually it’s quite ironic because over the last month I myself have been contemplating doing the dumping (not over the phone mind you, I have a bit more tact then that) but I guess I was too late and I got beat. Damn it - I wanted to be the dumper not the dumpee (insert the princess stomping her feet here).

Who would have guessed that Dixie Bell would dump me?

How could she do this to me? FTLOG – I paid for her damn services. Apparently it’s because she’s cut her hours to only Monday, Wednesday and Fridays & I only go to her on Thursdays….hmmm likely story….I wonder if she is faking the funk with me.

She invited me to Texas, she invited me to her pink trailer in Wasaga beach (don’t ask), I told her about my uterus – we shared things and just like that she offered me up to someone else….just like that…to someone else…someone named Maria – I mean what kind of name is Maria because I don’t foresee the hills coming alive with her.

This is one of those break-ups where (after the initial shock) the only thing I feel is joy (other then the fact that I wanted to dump her first)….after all Dixie Bell did stand me up 3 out of the last 4 weeks, the sessions have been completely unstructured, she talks a lot, she’s unconventional – but she was Dixie Bell and ultimately I did get results.

So after a few minutes of deep contemplation – I returned her phone call only to fittingly have to leave her a voicemail:

“Hi Dixie Bell, booo that you’re no longer going to be my trainer. It’s unfortunate because I really enjoyed the sessions but I guess you have to do what you have to do. Don’t worry - no hard feelings at all. I guess I can try Maria if you recommend her – but a couple of things:
- I would like to meet her tomorrow at 6:30 pm
- I will not pay for the first session with Maria
- If I don’t like her/training style then I want to be refunded for my 12 unused sessions
- And/or if I decide between now and when I meet Maria that I don’t want a personal trainer, then I want my money back – let me know who I have to talk to - to make that happen
Call me when you get a chance. Bye and have a great day.”

Who said break-ups were hard…it’s all about frame of mind…and just like that I am en route to belonging to another.