i’ve lost my mojo…

mojo n. self-confidence, self-assuredness. as in basis for belief in ones self in a situation.

….it’s not so much that I have lost it but more so that it has been misplaced – sort gone astray. After almost four months in India – all I have, other then no mojo, are two diametrically conflicting thoughts:

- Am I an Indian woman in India?
Or
- Just another tourist, who happens to have a vagina, traveling through the spiritual land?

Actually if I wanted to I could also add to the mystery by asking - am I a CBI (Canadian born Indian), POI (person of Indian origin) or a NRI (non-resident Indian)…but why get into such details.

After much soul-searching – I’ve realized that there is simply no answer. I am Canadian by birth but my culture, religion and family values are upheld by my Indian roots and the only way I can see to reconcile the two, in India, is to simply get myself a strap-on penis.

Laugh all you want, but I truly believe that the answer too many of my problems in India would be solved by a strap-on penis. At least if I had one, it would not matter if I were an Indian woman or a female tourist because if I “accidentally” made eye contact with a man – he would not have to wonder if a) if I was a prostitute (because the only Indian women who would even consider making eye contact with a ghar mard (strange man) would be a prostitute) or b) if I was just another easy woman from the west (because apparently all women from the West are easy… take a look at porn…how many times have you seem an Indian woman moaning in “ecstasy” on screen).

If I had a penis I would be able to urinate in any public place – be it on a busy street corner in Delhi, on a random tree, against a wall and generally anywhere. And until you’ve seen a women’s public washroom in India – you don’t know how liberating that would be.

Can you even believe that to be allowed to climb a tower in one of India’s most well known mosques – I need a penis? It’s not that the mosque is being “sexist” but in order to keep my vagina safe – they insist on it being accompanied by a penis.

If I had a penis, there would be a 0% probability for me to be part of the current statistic which states 10 million female fetuses have been aborted in the last 20 years…and that’s only what is “reported”

If I had a penis, I as a female, wouldn’t have to feel second class

Correction - if I had a penis, I as a female, would not be second class.

Essentially if I had a penis in India – well, I would be God.

I stubbornly refuse to acknowledge that MY vagina is not equivalent to a penis. As I righteously give hail to my vagina and blame a country for my missing mojo – I realize that the mistake I’ve made is to equate the inequality I see before me as being specific to India, when in reality it does exist all around us – just in varying degrees. Wasn’t there a time in the 70’s when women were all about bearing and burning? Now we have articles about Hillary Clinton and her “one-way trip to the sexual scrap-heap…with a fast rusting vagina.”

Clearly I am the only one that can reclaim my mojo – so to ensure that it doesn’t disappear altogether – I have decided that I am a…Canadian born, person of Indian origin who is a not residing in India - doing the tourist thing while traveling through the spiritual land and most importantly of all – a proud owner of a vagina

There - that should do well for my mojo…that and I have no idea where to find a strap-on penis in the homeland.